Love Love Love

A quick note of encouragement for you today:


Last Wednesday I was standing in worship at Bible study and was feeling really awful. I just felt so unclean, so wretched, so unloved. I was listening to lies that were telling me how unlovely I was. In the midst of feeling this way, God spoke to me so clearly. 


He said: "Why would I heal something that I don't love?" 
I immediately froze with adoration and shock. My whole mindset was changed in an instant. 
He instantly healed me of nine "incurable" diseases when I was twelve in case you aren't familiar with the testimony He has given me.


So, let me get this straight. The Creator of the universe loved me enough to physically heal my dying body, to emotionally heal my heart, and to breathe life into me...? Wow.


Even if you are sitting here thinking "Yeah, well, I don't have such a dramatic story..." God's love is evident in your life too. He is the source of our life.


The very fact that you are breathing is a testimony that God loves YOU. 


So choose this mindset every day as you seek God more and more: 
THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE IS SO IN LOVE WITH AND HEAD OVER HEELS FOR YOU! How cool is that?


God wants to work in your life. He wants to bring emotional and physical healing. But we have to do our part too. We have to walk with Him, get to know Him and get in relationship with Him. He loves you. He tells us many times that we are the apple of His eye. So if me and you are the apple of God's eye, and we have a full understanding of that reality, we can choose to refuse any lies that tell us otherwise.


You are lovely. You are fabulous. You are loved. God says it. Believe it. Every day.

Excellence 101 (It's taken me 19 years to learn this stuff)

*Don't give up.

 - For six years, I have prayed for some individuals with whom I am very close to. From the day I said "amen" to my first prayer for them to this very moment, there were many tears, some hurtful experiences, and numerous opportunities to lose faith. I might have wallowed for a little bit, I certainly wasn't the most graceful about things at times, but I got back up -I chose to forgive because it is a commandment, not a feeling. Six years later, I am beginning to see prayers answered. The Lord hears, He has compassion, and He ultimately works on our behalf when we do our part. Make the lyrics "Though my heart is torn, I will praise You in this storm," an anthem; a battle cry. No matter what, keep praying. Keep walking with God. Keep reading your Bible. Keep expanding your knowledge of Him, because He is so much bigger than our circumstances and He is working behind the scenes. He sees the full picture; the finished puzzle. We are pieces in that puzzle who can simply see what is right in front of us. (And sometimes we can't even see THAT!)

*Identify what is truly important, and do it with pure excellence -nothing less.

- Better to do a few things really well than to spread yourself out over a million things and do them all mediocrely. Devote your time to things that you know are worth doing and that are going to have a positive impact on others. Refrain from wasting time with mundane modes of existence that don't matter. It's important to expand your perspective and realize that there is so much more to life than this moment, than the next ten years, than the next fifty years. Eternity is real. Invest in actions that carry eternal value. Be dedicated. Be devoted.  

*Rest is vital.

- I've never been one to sit still. Ask anyone -I'm always moving, always going to some appointment or working on a project. I would even deal with guilt if I took a break to rest and I soon found myself having forgotten how to relax! I've realized that unfortunately, we aren't Energizer bunnies. We need rest. I mean, really, even God took a break. Who am I to deny rest when my Creator set aside time to rest? Make a conscious effort to discover what chills you out, and then do it! I'm still trying to figure out how to relax. Today I actually had to stop, sit in a chair, turn off everything, and just sit there with me, God, and my mind. Sad? Maybe. But if that's what it takes, then do it. Rest your body and rest your mind, otherwise it will be a million times harder to do everything! 

All in all, I have been trying to live a life of excellence in every area. It is important that we let God invade every compartment of our lives -picking and choosing where we allow Him entry to our lives is cheating ourselves out of living the wonderful life God intended for us to live. We'll never "arrive," we'll never attain perfection on this earth, but that isn't what's important. Society demands perfection out of us, but the condition of the heart is the most important element here. We must continually seek to know God and to make Him apart of our lives more and more every day. 

Eliminate "impossible" from your vocabulary, invest in eternity and remember to rest! 

A Revelation Whilst Brushing My Teeth...No Really...

Greetings. 
Ah, seasons of God.
I have been in a season that has certainly tested me and has been molding me into a new creation. I've had a lot of time to be alone with God, (and I mean A LOT) and as a person who has always been on the other end of the spectrum as ridiculously social, I have definitely hit the wall a few times, frustrated with feeling isolated for various reasons. Christine Caine's words just keep echoing in my ears: "Embrace your place, embrace your place..." So that's what I have been doing. It started with a mental decision. I just said "Okay God, I am in this place for a reason, and I choose to follow You through it. I choose to take advantage of the alone time and use it to get closer to You, to read Your Word more, to pray more. Thanks for having my back in all of this and guiding me even when it seems like my situation is completely random and scattered." And it's amazing, for every decision I thought was completely arbitrary in my life, for every stressful situation that left me crying out wondering where God was, when life looked like scattered dots all over the map, I look back and see a perfectly straight line. 
He has His hand on us through it all, but we have to LET Him. He wants to guide us through the seasons that are individually constructed to sculpt us into who He wants us to be, but we have to LET Him. 


Proverbs 4:26 - "Ponder the path of thy feet, and LET all thy ways be established."


I read that verse on a late train ride home from Chicago and my mind was blown. LET. That word means we have to give up control. We have to realize that we don't know everything, that we can't make things work out the way we want them to no matter how hard we strive to control situations to ensure a favourable (in our minds) outcome. 


And He said to PONDER the path of thy feet. I don't know about you, but my entire life, I didn't just ponder the path of my feet. I stomped on my own path, I made my feet go where I thought they should go regardless of what anyone else had to say about it, and almost 100% of the time found myself absolutely miserable. I got swept up in trying to please this society, in trying to validate my existence and prove my worth to a world who's demands never end. If there was a competition, I made sure I was in it, and I made sure I won it. Always. Academic, athletic, musical, I was your girl. I'm not saying this to brag, I'm not saying it to be puffed up. It's the opposite. It's a story of brokenness, of a girl who tried to gain love by being the best at everything. A girl who didn't understand how much her Creator loves her and desires her regardless of what she does or doesn't accomplish. I was so competition and fighter oriented, if any competition arose, I didn't stop and think "Well, does God want me to do this?" "Do I WANT to do this?" "Does this fit in with my heart's desires and what I just plain love to do?" "Am I doing this because I'm a perfectionist and obsessed with winning because I think it'll prove that I'm worth something?" I just immediately jumped at the chance to win more recognition. 


I did that for a variety of reasons. Some people who held influential roles in my life said they loved me, but in their words and actions made it very clear that they only loved me when I made them look good. They would never be around, but when I won some new award, they would suddenly appear out of the woodworks, congratulating me publicly -but in reality it was never about me, they just wanted to look good. Through those experiences, God has taught me many things. He uses every day to continually instill His love in me, to restore me, and to heal my heart. He taught me that I can choose who is in my life -sometimes people who grow up with exposure to dysfunctional circumstances may tend to think they have to accept whoever walks into their life and that they have to put up with whatever that person brings to the table, but it's not true. Decide to stop the cycle of abuse. Decide to submit to God and let Him show you what it means to live a godly life. Let Him bring the right people into your life. And He has further taught me the beauty of forgiveness and how important it is to forgive those who hurt us. When we forgive it allows God to work in our life and the lives of those we have forgiven.


While I was brushing my teeth ten minutes ago, I was thinking about the upcoming school year, and I remembered a position I was offered on campus that looks really great on paper, but I had heard it was not an enjoyable experience at all. My old reaction would be to jump at the chance, to quickly accept the offer without considering its implications, without considering what God wanted, and without considering what I wanted. All I would think is "Oh okay awesome, I just got offered this really great thing that's going to look legendary on my resume. Yes yes yes!" It would absolutely be an auto-pilot reaction. But I was standing in the mirror, brushing my pearly whites, and all of a sudden God just said "You don't have to say yes to everything." I almost choked on my toothpaste. Such a simple concept (as it usually is) yet to someone who was so programmed to mindlessly and unwisely accept any offer that society deemed admirable, it was a spiritual smack upside the head. Saying no does not make me or you less of a person and it does not make me or you a failure. I'm not accepting the offer because I plain don't want to do it, and regardless of the recognition it may bring, it is not something that God wants me to sign up for. I've realized that seeking and desiring His will above all else is imperative to living a successful life. 


So. I know I'm not the only one that deals with this kind of stuff. If you're reading this and you feel the pressure to live up to someone else's standards and expectations, you feel unloved unless you perform in a certain way, or you just find yourself saying yes to anything and everything [the "disease to please" as we call it] just take a step back. Realize how much the Creator of the universe intimately loves you, realize that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and above all else, just choose to walk with God in every second of every day. PONDER the path of your feet -don't stomp around trying to make a square fit in a circle. That's how I always felt. I was doing things I didn't love just for the recognition. I was trying to make myself into a person that I simply was not destined to be -I wasn't living a life to discover the desires, dreams, and loves that God planted in me from the foundation of the world. 


When you narrow your audience down to One, when you live to love and please the sweet Father that made you, it allows Him to work in your life and it allows Him to guide your paths through it all. Pray that HE would order your steps, that HE would reveal to you HIS plans for the life you live [I don't like saying 'your life' because it really isn't our life. It all goes back to Him.] Pray that He would bring divine connections into your life. Make sure you forgive those who you hold bitterness against. It is vital. He loves us through anything and everything, so we must love others through anything and everything. You are the apple of His eye. Choose Him in every circumstance, and when you're looking backwards instead of forwards, you'll see a perfectly straight line covered in God's goodness and favour.

Faith and Excitement For the Future

Wow. I sit here and think about all that God is doing and it's amazing. He has turned my world topsy-turvy in the best possible way, and I am learning to trust His plans for my life and to have faith and excitement for the future in the process. 


Faith and excitement for the future. It is vital. I'm going to be straight up honest. The first eighteen years of my life were hell. They served their purpose for sure, like The Rocket Summer says "I wouldn't know just how sweet this is if at first I had not gone through bitter times, through bitter places..." I went through illnesses that the doctors told me would kill me before I turned twenty, I grew up in the midst of abuse and cruelty, and a lot more that I won't go into. BUT. God truly makes beauty out of ashes. He saved my life, turned me around, and I have spent the last six years loving Him and living an amazing life. 


God has been showing me something recently. Given my past, somewhere along the way, in the midst of the hurts, the pains, the disappointments, I became scared to dream. I listened to the lies of fear and was distrustful of the future, because everything about my current circumstances screamed to me that life was terrible and that I better be prepared to deal with another catastrophe in the future. That is such a dangerous mindset. Maybe you've fallen into a monotonous existence, scared to dream big for the future because of circumstances that broke you down. Find the strength to pick yourself up, and with God, take the risk to dream big. Massive. Huge. Dream the dream that He gave you, the dream that only He can make possible.


So, I am in the process of listening to God and of having Him teach me how to dream again. He's teaching me how to trust Him and how to rest in Him while He lays the future out before me in His timing. What He does for me, He can do for you. He is no respecter of persons! How cool is that?! You don't need to read a million self help books on how to be successful or to find your dream or whatever...I just started out with lots of prayer. I would literally sit there and say "Okay God, I have NO idea what I'm doing. I don't really have any stellar role models that I've grown up with to show me what it means to  walk into the dreams You planted in their hearts...I am starting from scratch, and I know You're guiding me. And thanks a million times over for that. I choose to trust You, I choose to love You, I choose to focus on You, and I know that all else will come together in Your time." And within a few hours, I stumbled across a book that I bought for $1, called "Knit Together" by Debbie Macomber...I just found it sitting in a bin at OfficeMax and felt led to buy it. I mean, a $23 book for $1. Yes. And that was no coincidence! God has used that book to reveal some great insights. 


So get excited for the future! I serve a God Who works on an unfathomably massive scale - Who desires only good for me and you. He wants us to be optimistic and look into the future with wide open eyes, ready to serve, ready to bless others, ready to walk with Him and walk into the fulfilling life He has planned for each of us. He's got your back, you just have to LET Him have your back. Quit fighting it.


The second part to this: The most successful people, the people who absolutely changed the world, were the same people that everyone initially thought were crazy. God gave us our dreams, and our dreams should be so massive that they absolutely require Him to bring them to fruition. Thus, be careful who you discuss your dreams with. I've been laughed at by family members and have consequently learned to guard the dream. Now, I pray over my dreams - I pray that the Lord protect them and that His will be done over my will. 


So you might get called crazy, you might get laughed at. Take it as motivation. See it as a green light - if you encounter opposition or resistance, it's probably an indicator that you're a potential world changer, a person capable of impacting the world with God. Don't let anyone or anything get in the way of God has planned for your life. If He planted the dream in your heart, step on the accelerator with Him and don't let up, no matter what circumstances or people say. 


"No turning back, I've made up my mind, I'm giving all of my life this time. Your love makes it worth it all. All to You I surrender, everything, every part of me, all my dreams and all of me. I trust You God, I trust You..."

When It Rains, Do We Still Let Him Reign?

Today was the last day of classes. And I withdrew from Calculus. This was a huge battle for me - over the semester, this class changed my personality, changed my perspective, it got me on my knees seeking God with every part of my heart and soul, and the last thing I ever wanted to do was bail out on the last day after all of the hard work I had put in. During this semester, I have literally gone moment by moment -not even just day by day. I have been at the point of asking God to help me just make it through the next minute of classes. I have realized more and more how pointless most things in this world are, and it was getting difficult to care about doing work in classes that I don’t even like, to attain a grade that meets society’s standards, to eventually “make it” in this world that makes us jump through so many hoops. I have fallen so in love with God, I have realized that everything I’ve done up to this point is to satisfy people other than God, and coming to that realization has completely turned my world upside down in an awesome way. Before walking this closely with God, while still being a perfectionist and still looking to society for validation, I would be in an absolute conniption about withdrawing from Calculus right now. I would be so angry, thinking I failed. (I’m THAT kid who has never even made a B in her life, let alone withdrawn from a class) But you know what? God has been changing my perspective this year. I am seeing things with His eyes more and more, and I’m seeing this life in relation to Eternity. I’m not one bit sad about withdrawing, and I honestly mean that! It has taught me that sometimes, no matter how hard you work, you just have to let things go. You just have to trust that God’s plans still reign, that He still reigns in your life, regardless of current circumstances. And that’s what I’m doing. Withdrawing doesn’t mean I’m less of a person, it doesn’t mean I’m a failure, it doesn’t mean I suck at life. It means that I am learning to admit when I don’t understand something, it means that I’m acknowledging that I cannot always depend on myself. It means that I am fallible. And that’s what makes me human. And God is infallible; perfection. And that is the difference between us. That’s part of what makes my relationship with Him so beautiful, is that He catches me every time, and that I am in the best situation possible when I continue to trust in Him and His plans. So now, I emerge from this semester, having grown SO. MUCH. This was one of the hardest seasons of my life - but I can honestly say that it has been so beneficial. I’m happy it’s over, but I’m glad it happened. God used it to mold me into a girl who reflects Him more and more each day, He used it to show me how to trust Him again, and He used it to deepen His relationship with me. And I’m so grateful. Things don’t always go the way we want them to - but who ever said that it’s our way or the highway? God sees all things from beginning to end - and when we choose to trust Him no matter what is happening around us, He can work all things together for our good. Now, I continue on my journey of getting to know Him and trusting Him, walking in the new qualities that this season has created in me, and being in love with my Creator. God, my Provider, my Healer, my Peace, my Joy, my Defender, my best Friend, my Father > Calculus. I encourage you, no matter what you’re going through, no matter what society is telling you or what circumstances look like, make the conscious decision to trust Him. Read your Bible, know Who He is, know His character, know what He says about trusting Him. Trust is not a random feeling that walks into our heart. It’s a choice. Decide to look to God even if the whole world caves in, and you’ll always come out smelling like a rose. To quote Starfield, hold the Hand that holds the world. Trust the One Who loves you and wants the best for you more than anyone else could ever desire for you.  


"My heart is fixed, O God, my heart is fixed: I will sing and give praise. I will praise thee, O Lord, among the people: I will sing unto thee among the nations. For thy mercy is great unto the heavens, and thy truth unto the clouds. Be thou exalted, O God, above the heavens: let thy glory be above all the earth." -Psalm 57:7, 9-11

"Reign In Us" - Starfield

You thought of us before the world began to breathe
And You knew our names before we came to be
You saw the very day we'd fall away from You
And how desperately we need to be redeemed

Lord Jesus come lead us
We're desperate for Your touch
Oh Great and Mighty One, with one desire we come
That You would reign, that You would reign in us
We're offering up our lives, a living sacrifice
That You would reign, that You would reign in us

Spirit of the Living God fall fresh again
Come search our hearts and purify our lives
We need Your perfect love
We need Your discipline
We're lost unless You guide us with Your light

Lord Jesus come lead us
We're desperate for Your touch

We cry out
For Your love to refine us 
For Your love to define us 
For Your mercy to keep us blameless until You return

So reign, please reign in us
Come purify our hearts we need Your touch
Come cleanse us like a flood and send us out
So the world may know YOU reign, You reign in us

"The Things we Chase, the Status we Crave, it's Nothing. We Invest in the Bankers, but Not in the Maker. Think about it." -Bryce Avary

I’ve been realizing a lot lately. God has been showing me so much every day -my mind is constantly being blown by His awesomeness. There’s this song, “Nothing Matters” by the Rocket Summer, and it totally describes how I’ve felt lately. My eyes have been opened to just how pointless most of this life is, how we work so hard for status, for money, for things that die when we die. We put all our faith, all our belief, all our focus on things that society tells us are important. God has been showing me that it’s important to invest in things that are eternal, to invest in Him. To form a strong relationship with Him every day, because that’s what counts forever. That’s what never dies. How do we form a strong relationship? It’s not hard. Voice a desire to God that you want to get to know Him more, talk to Him, pray to Him, repent to Him, read the Bible to learn Who He is and how loving He feels towards you, and act with Him how you would act with a best friend, because that’s what He is. Get plugged into a great church with people who love you and support you [if you need a church, come find me! I’ll help you find one!] And it’s actually really freeing to realize that nothing matters in this life. It sounds depressing, but it’s really not! It’s awesome! I don’t have to spend my time stressed out or anxious about making things happen, about attaining status or making money, or creating my life into something that society deems acceptable. I’m already accepted by the Creator of the universe and am seeing things from an eternal perspective more and more each day. I am falling more in love with Him each day and getting to know His character more and more, and that is when all things change. I just went through one of those weeks where you look at your calendar and it makes your eyes spin... but I gave it all to God last Sunday before I started the week, and this week has been so great! I made the decision to look at God instead of my circumstances, and everything worked out so well, all with me being happy and free of stress. God is constantly bringing people into my life to form great relationships with, as well as people who want to know Him. It’s amazing, I don’t even have to try! I’ve had at least eight conversations with random people over the past two weeks about Christ, with people just flocking to know the Truth. God is so awesome. It just all goes to show, when we put God first in our lives, when we make Him Ruler over EVERYTHING, He makes all things come together and work for our good. That, I have seen and live out every day. Let’s remember to put God first and to resist getting bogged down in what seems so real around us. Make sure the life you live will carry over into the next. Invest in Eternity. 

Redemption

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound

that saved a wretch like me.

I once was lost, but now I’m found,

I was blind, but now I see.

I see because of You.

You give me the clarity.

You give me understanding, 

and You never give me reprimanding. 

There’s a difference.

Your sweetness convicts my spirit,

You talk to me in the perfect way, the way you know I’ll hear it. 

Yeah, I used to be blind.

I used to hate myself, finding my worth in straight A’s and people’s satisfaction rates. 

I used to be hopeless, 

a girl who’s life was simply up to chance

cos what else was there?

I never gave God a second glance. 

I was beyond lost and clueless

clueless about how much I was hurting,

clueless that there was a God burning with passion for me,

clueless that life didn’t have to be the way everybody made it out to be. 

You see, when the masses are lost together,

lost camouflages. 

The truth gets masked by many birds of the same feathers. 

Ain’t nobody perfect, but when you lose yourself when the music blares

and you latch on to whoever looks like they equally don’t care, 

or you shoot up to bypass pain’s roots

which’ll only bear endless rotten fruit, 

there’s a glaring indicator of a life pining in lostness

attempting to pacify a state unknown

because the pain is too hard to consciously own. 

But, Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,

that saved a wretch like me.

I once was lost, but now I’m found,

was blind but now I see.

Due to life circumstances,

a life I wished would put me out of my misery,

I woke up and realized God was waiting for me.

He was waiting for me to acknowledge His existence,

to abandon my earthly lostness 

to be eternally lost in His awesomeness. 

He made Psalm 18 my life story,

He overrode my broken heart with His glory. 

He overtook my pain,

He invaded my earthly plans, my selfish hopes, my empty dreams,

and cleansed me.

He took on my sorrows,

He took on the pain that defined my crippled state.

I cast my cares upon Him,

and He morphed my grim reality into

a reality nearly unreal,

comprised of an obnoxiously happy girl, overflowing with zeal

experiencing His love like it was for the first time,

every time.

A girl who can’t stop grinning, can’t stop singing, 

can’t stop from looking upwards

to thank the One who listened to her incessant hateful rants,

spewing words of bitterness for prayers she thought had gone without grant,

but picked her up anyway,

and gave her a life transplant.  

All it takes is willingness.

The ability to open your ears, open your eyes,

and open your heart,

to the possibility that maybe life’s not all about smarts and how many ladders

we can climb to prove our worth to a world filled with disaster and the personality of an adder.

Life humbled me,

I came before His throne with nothing left that could possibly crumble a life already in rubble,

All I did was cry out to a God I’d never met, with Type I desperation my heart condition 

and

a raw prayer for a life saver. 

The instant I repented for goin’ along with ways certainly wretched

The instant I voiced a desire for a King

He swooped in,

riding on the clouds,

picked His daughter up

and endlessly gave the refuge of His wings. 

He didn’t tip toe in.

He radically tore down my walls,

He destroyed the residence of the enemy inside of me,

and He did what no man could do,

He physically healed my dying body. 

That’s the power of the One living God. 

The world dumbs Him down to some guy who died thousands of years ago,

if they even decide to declare His existence to be more than a mythical flow. 

No. It’s not true. It’s never been true. 

If He didn’t exist,

neither would I.

Don’t tell me my God don’t exist, that we’re alone in this world

my life screams that God pleads with His children

He stands with arms wide open,

waiting for us to realize we’re broken.

He is a righteous God, 

a God biting at the bit 

waiting for us to forfeit our lame lives

so He can bring the monumental shift. 

So though the world is deaf to You, my God, I will never forget what You 

so generously bestowed upon Your daughter,

I can’t ever turn my back,

I can’t ever even turn my head to another

when I know You and how You captivate me with wonder.

Make my life a ballad to Your being, 

I’d ask You to make my life a daily testament to Your existence,

except oops, You already did that business that first time

I requested forgiveness.

Bottom line, I live every breath to glorify the name of the One True King,

to praise the One who restored me, to be living proof of HIS glory, not my glory, and 

to testify to a world in desperate need of His-story.

So give Him a chance.

He loves you more than anything,

You’re the apple of His eye,

He loves you completely,

individually, as if there was no other.

He yearns for you to acknowledge Him

He yearns to hear your voice

He yearns for you to realize

the ploys against you

and consequently ditch this world’s rat race

in favor of seeking His face, that face of Amazing Grace. 

Copyright 2011 ALL rights reserved Madeline K. Sarad

"In the Midst of Winter, I Finally Learned that There Was in Me an Invincible Summer" - Albert Camus

I'm only eighteen, but I feel that my life experiences caused me to grow up quickly and taught me more about life than most people learn in a lifetime. If you know me, (or even if you don't, here's a tidbit about me) you know that I'm really open about my life and am never opposed to sharing about the things that have occurred in my life - the things, however terrible or painful, that have made me a new being, that have shown me just how crappy circumstances can get so I can better appreciate every beautiful moment that God blesses me with. 


With that being said, I'm going to be honest about my life in this post, and in every post and every word that I ever say in the future. Recently, I've been going through one of the roughest seasons I've ever endured. Circumstances have been swirling around me, hurtful words spoken from the mouths of loved ones have tried to pierce me, and I have been stripped of all flotation devices other than my beloved Bible. It's been a mess lately. BUT GOD! Out of ashes arises beauty, the existence of current tough circumstances guarantees future joy, breakthroughs, and success, and it is in these hard times, whatever they may be, that God can shape us into who He wants us to be, into sons and daughters who's character is God's character, and into beings who know our Creator in a deeper way. 


What have I learned? I'd like to focus on just one area for now. Abuse. I feel like the word "abuse" can get thrown around freely, and people may not even recognize when they're being abused anymore. Does someone make you feel crappy about yourself on a regular basis? Does someone constantly criticize or ridicule you? Does someone hit you, beat you up emotionally, mentally, or physically, and then return to you for forgiveness? Feeling terrible about yourself isn't normal. Hating life isn't normal. Fearing for your safety isn't normal. Basking in self-condemnation and self-hatred isn't normal. In my life, a person who God created to love me, to protect me, and to support me, ended up being a person who spoke words of destruction over me, who could do nothing but hurt me, a person who knew no other way than the path of abuse, and a person who thought that loving someone meant hurting them in every way of the word. 


I have realized that there is nothing in this world worth the pain that abuse brings. Regardless of who the abuser is, there is never a justification for inflicting pain upon another. I've heard cultural excuses such as "this is how we do it in our culture, get used to it" and claims of the normalcy of abuse. No excuse will ever make abuse normal, and no excuse will ever validate abuse. I have also learned that no matter what has been done, forgiveness is key. Sometimes there may be a voice in our minds justifying and reasoning with us to condone holding bitterness and unforgiveness, but there will never be a circumstance that gives us the right to hold resentment towards another. However, forgiveness does NOT mean that we must repeatedly sign up for abuse in the name of forgiving the abuser. 


Life circumstances can kick you to the end of the rope, but that's where you usually find God's presence screaming out to you. It's where you begin to realize you are a priceless jewel who must rebuke abuse, who must consciously decide not to do to posterity what was done to you, and who must embrace the realization that God loves you, you should love you, and anyone else, ANYONE, who does not contribute to your life in a healthy way is perhaps not a person a relationship should be established with. Love yourself. That's what it comes down to. When I loved and respected myself enough to realize that I didn't need to depend on man to validate me or to continue on the merry-go-round of abuse, I was liberated. Find your worth in God, not man. 


Sometimes we have crappy earthly representations that lead us to view God in an inaccurate way, as if He's a judge poised and ready to strike us down with lightning and swinging a gavel 24/7. God's love doesn't hurt. God's love isn't abusive. God IS love. People in our lives should be people with hearts after the heart of God, with a yearning to love like God does. That doesn't mean we won't make mistakes. We  can't expect perfection out of our fellow man. But, we know what isn't right. We know that if a relationship hurts, if we are constantly emotionally or physically wounded, it probably isn't a healthy relationship that God wants us to be in. 


Think about it. We must take inventory of our lives. Do we have meaningful, loving relationships with people? Or are there people just floundering around, existing, but we don't really know why they are in our lives? Are there people who constantly bring strife, destruction, and pain? 


Sometimes, rough seasons in life can straight up suck. We don't want to be stretched, sometimes it's just easier and comfier to stay where we are. Let's use the tougher times to our advantage. Learn from them. Open your eyes -learn from the current circumstances to create better circumstances. Never compromise your wellbeing, and never settle for relationships riddled with abuse.  


http://www.fathersloveletter.com

Maddy

Happy Sunday!

"You carried my burden, You healed my pain, it's You, You lifted me up, You gave me a reason to sing. You pulled me out of darkness, into Your light, You alone are my desire." -Inhabited


I love those lyrics. I think about everything He has brought me out of, all the times He's saved me despite myself, and all the situations where in the moment it seemed as if I was alone, but really, He had His hand on me all along. I can't ever praise Him enough for saving me, but beyond that, just for being Who He is. So many times people can get caught up in what they can get out of God, as if He's some sort of Divine slot machine. That's not how it works. We must desire to get to know God for Who He is, not what He can do for us. Chase the Healer, not the healing. Chase the Provider, not the earthly provisions. Chase the One Who loves YOU above ALL else. It is when we get to know Him, His character, His love, and be in continual relationship with Him, that all other things in our lives come together. God must be placed above all else; He must be made priority. That statement isn't meant to be burdening. DUDE! THE CHANCE TO WORSHIP GOD, ALL DAY, EURRY DAY! TO MAKE HIM LORD OF E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G! That's awesome! You know why? Because you won't have to worry about making things happen on your own anymore, you won't need to waste time looking for validation in people or things, and you can rest in knowing that God has got your back. Seriously. AWESOME. 


Pastor Kent talked about perspective today. The course of our lives is largely impacted by our perspectives, and sometimes by other people's perspectives. Our goal should be to pursue God's perspective. Think about it, why do we let so many people into our lives that feel welcome to share their perspectives about everything going on in our life? Somewhere along the way mankind got the message that its opinion greatly matters in the scheme of things. Ha. That's a lie. So you feel passionate about pursuing a desire that God put in your heart, but get ridiculed or cautioned by others when you bring it up? That's a good sign that you should follow through. Do what GOD wants you to do. NOT what man says is or isn't possible. Don't live life with other people's opinions stuck on you, seeing through other people's perspectives. As long as we actively chase after God and His perspective, no one else's opinion/perspective matters one little bit. 


I'm off to go chase God and the passions He has given me! And I hope you are too! Happy Sunday!


Maddy

Trust Over Self Reliant Fuss

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A Maddy happier than her usual happy self. 

I'll try to keep this short -I am not feeling particularly inspired to pen something immensely revelatory at this hour after a Calculus midterm and Chinese test. 

Ah. Calculus midterm. Absolutely dreaded. You hear that from every kid who isn't destined to be an engineer, but I feel the need to explain just how terrified I was of this exam. Absolutely, postively, quaking in my fabulous Franco Sarto boots, TERRIFIED. The stress I have given into with this class is not healthy at all, and I'm quite aware. I believe in trusting God in all circumstances and rebuking fear, stress, worry, and anxiety, but I will be the first to tell you -easier said than done. Yesterday, the eve of the day I was fighting the notion of thinking I was absolutely doomed and my GPA forever destroyed, I was on the verge of a crazy breakdown. I'm honestly the strongest person that I know besides my mother. I've been through a lot of stuff in 18 years, but quite frankly, all of those things were easier for me to deal with than this Calculus midterm. I have always depended on myself, MY brain, MY abilities, MY dedication, MY determination, to attain success. So yesterday, I came to the full realization that this is the one class that I cannot depend on myself for. The one thing I can't ensure success in. The one area of my life that no matter how hard I try, at the end of the day I am still on my knees crying for God to help me. The one thing that truly strips me of any self reliance and throws me in the middle of a valley that I can't climb my way out of. 

And my goodness, constant dependence on myself is utterly exhausting and stressful. (Because God didn't make us to be stressed and burdened with the act of relying on ourselves to make things happen!)

And of course, all of this is not an accident. God spoke to me this morning as I was resisting the biological urge to commence hyperventilation, and reminded me of what He said in Joshua. He clearly told me "I have told you not to fear. I am with you. You are in this situation because I desire to mold your character into Mine, because you must learn to trust Me." And all of a sudden, the struggle ceased. My head knowledge of the situation morphed into heart knowledge, into "rhema." Trust is an instrumental part of having a deep relationship with someone. Without a blind trust, a relationship remains shallow and on "acquaintance" terms. I have told God that I desire to have a deeper relationship with Him. I'm simply getting what I've prayed for. 

This silly Calculus midterm that truly felt like a personal Goliath was the perfect opportunity to tell the voice of the enemy to shut up and to fix my eyes, heart, and mind upon my Dad Who assured me that I have nothing to fear when I live a life in pursuit of Him. And what did I do? I did it! So okay, yes it was hard and it took me a long time to finally shut up and trust Him, but regardless, I decided to trust Him. Walking into that classroom as the teacher opened the door and literally said "Enter my house of horror" and actually had kleenex sitting on the table in case we couldn't control our tears, I took a deep breath and took that Calculus test. And took it well. God definitely took that test for me. He totally caught me when I felt like I was falling a million miles an hour through the air, and He used my most sensitive area, academics, to bring me to my knees and truly reach the point of having no where to look but up. And I was NOT let down! 

Long story short, this is all a journey. I'm in the process of learning how to trust Him. For some people that ability comes easily, but I was terribly hurt and scarred from past experiences. It wasn't overnight that we developed trust issues or whatever problems we have, so the process of undoing these issues isn't always overnight either. As long as we are willing and desire God to shape us, to cleanse us and continually establish Himself in us, we are golden.

So, my Calculus midterm officially got owned by the Creator of the universe, and my Franco Sarto boots are no longer quaking. Both YOU and I can rest in knowing that God holds our world in the palm of His hands and that He can freely move in our lives when we give Him free reign.

My hot chocolate is no longer existent, but my desire for sleep is! Goodnight! (This didn't turn out to be a short blog after all :P )

Don't Internalize or Externalize...Eternalize.

"The best way one can preach is by the way they live their life."


Father, I thank You for making my existence a daily testament to Your awesomeness. I thank You that You loved me when I did not love me, You loved me when I did not love You and though I turned my back on You so many times, You never gave up the pursuit of Your daughter. Thank You for not taking "no" for an answer. Saying yes to You was the best decision I ever made. I ask for Your heart, Your mind, Your love, that Your ways would become my ways, and that I would see all things as You see them. I thank You that You hold this life in Your hands, and I ask You to invade me. Invade every part of me and carry out Your will in my life. I make a conscious decision to surrender to You. I set my face, heart, and eyes upon You and choose You as Ruler of this life. I say "this" life, because it is not my life. It belongs to You. Take control, because Your ways are lightyears better than mine. Use me to glorify You in Jesus' name. Love You so much Pops! -Your baby girl

This Kid...Blogging? Say What?

Ha, here I am. I have always resisted the progression of technology and been weary of its negative effects, but I think a blog can be an efficient way to share ideas. So here it goes!


Lately, my life has been undergoing quite the makeover. I have been a follower of Christ for six years, but never truly received a personal revelation of His love for me. (That was before the last few weeks took place, haha.) In the past, a lot of negative experiences in life led me to seek validation in academics and in society's definition of "success." I did it all. Straight A's my whole life, First Chair Violinist, MVP of many sports teams, Founder of a Christian ministry, blah blah blah. I was never satisfied with an accomplishment - I considered it something conquered, and set my face forward to focus on the next item that I foolishly believed would bring me to the pinnacle, the mythical location where all of my hard work, tears, and suffering would be redeemed once and for all. 


Long (really, I mean long) story short, God instantly healed me of nine "incurable" diseases and I converted to Christianity after twelve years in the New Age and Hinduism. Upon beginning my walk with Christ, I heard over and over how God's love is unconditional and that our worth is not determined by works. It's so easy to become desensitized to amazing news after one hears it all day, every day. Recently, God made this Truth real to me. I have never felt such amazing love, and let me tell you, it is immensely liberating to know that at the end of the day, at the end of this life, I am perfectly precious to Him regardless. Regardless of grades, regardless of "success," regardless of how many zeros I had at the end of my salary, THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE LOVES ME! AHHHH!! (A victory dance just went down in my dorm room, by the way.)


I encourage you. No matter where you are, whether you were raised in Christianity or not, if you desire to know God, to feel His love for you in every circumstance, just let Him know! He's a gentleman, He will not force Himself upon us. But it's not hard to get to know Him. All ya gotta do is ask, and Psalm 18 says that He will come to the rescue. We have the best Dad in the world. 


"In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: He heard my voice out of His temple, and my cry came before Him, even into His ears. Then the earth shook and trembled; the foundations also of the hills moved and were shaken, because He was wroth...He rode upon a cherub, and did fly: yea, He did fly upon the wings of the wind...the channels of waters were seen, and the foundations of the world were discovered at thy rebuke, O Lord, at the blast of the breath of thy nostrils. He sent from above, He took me, He drew me out of many waters..." - Psalm 18 6-16


Read Psalm 18. God used this Psalm to radically impact me, to tell me how much He loves me. What kind of God would do that for His people? To make the earth tremble, to fly upon the wings of the wind, to save me? To save you? My God has performed Psalm 18 in my life countless times, and He will swoop in to anyone's life who is willing to surrender all to Him, for He is no respecter of persons.