When It Rains, Do We Still Let Him Reign?

Today was the last day of classes. And I withdrew from Calculus. This was a huge battle for me - over the semester, this class changed my personality, changed my perspective, it got me on my knees seeking God with every part of my heart and soul, and the last thing I ever wanted to do was bail out on the last day after all of the hard work I had put in. During this semester, I have literally gone moment by moment -not even just day by day. I have been at the point of asking God to help me just make it through the next minute of classes. I have realized more and more how pointless most things in this world are, and it was getting difficult to care about doing work in classes that I don’t even like, to attain a grade that meets society’s standards, to eventually “make it” in this world that makes us jump through so many hoops. I have fallen so in love with God, I have realized that everything I’ve done up to this point is to satisfy people other than God, and coming to that realization has completely turned my world upside down in an awesome way. Before walking this closely with God, while still being a perfectionist and still looking to society for validation, I would be in an absolute conniption about withdrawing from Calculus right now. I would be so angry, thinking I failed. (I’m THAT kid who has never even made a B in her life, let alone withdrawn from a class) But you know what? God has been changing my perspective this year. I am seeing things with His eyes more and more, and I’m seeing this life in relation to Eternity. I’m not one bit sad about withdrawing, and I honestly mean that! It has taught me that sometimes, no matter how hard you work, you just have to let things go. You just have to trust that God’s plans still reign, that He still reigns in your life, regardless of current circumstances. And that’s what I’m doing. Withdrawing doesn’t mean I’m less of a person, it doesn’t mean I’m a failure, it doesn’t mean I suck at life. It means that I am learning to admit when I don’t understand something, it means that I’m acknowledging that I cannot always depend on myself. It means that I am fallible. And that’s what makes me human. And God is infallible; perfection. And that is the difference between us. That’s part of what makes my relationship with Him so beautiful, is that He catches me every time, and that I am in the best situation possible when I continue to trust in Him and His plans. So now, I emerge from this semester, having grown SO. MUCH. This was one of the hardest seasons of my life - but I can honestly say that it has been so beneficial. I’m happy it’s over, but I’m glad it happened. God used it to mold me into a girl who reflects Him more and more each day, He used it to show me how to trust Him again, and He used it to deepen His relationship with me. And I’m so grateful. Things don’t always go the way we want them to - but who ever said that it’s our way or the highway? God sees all things from beginning to end - and when we choose to trust Him no matter what is happening around us, He can work all things together for our good. Now, I continue on my journey of getting to know Him and trusting Him, walking in the new qualities that this season has created in me, and being in love with my Creator. God, my Provider, my Healer, my Peace, my Joy, my Defender, my best Friend, my Father > Calculus. I encourage you, no matter what you’re going through, no matter what society is telling you or what circumstances look like, make the conscious decision to trust Him. Read your Bible, know Who He is, know His character, know what He says about trusting Him. Trust is not a random feeling that walks into our heart. It’s a choice. Decide to look to God even if the whole world caves in, and you’ll always come out smelling like a rose. To quote Starfield, hold the Hand that holds the world. Trust the One Who loves you and wants the best for you more than anyone else could ever desire for you.  


"My heart is fixed, O God, my heart is fixed: I will sing and give praise. I will praise thee, O Lord, among the people: I will sing unto thee among the nations. For thy mercy is great unto the heavens, and thy truth unto the clouds. Be thou exalted, O God, above the heavens: let thy glory be above all the earth." -Psalm 57:7, 9-11